Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
