I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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