yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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