He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
