she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
