Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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