New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
