I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
