Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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