ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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