I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
