mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize