my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize