In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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