Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
