Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
