I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
