There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
