Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
