I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
