she woke up with a sticky ear
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
