I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize