I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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