I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
