Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
time to smoke my breakfast
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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