If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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