Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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