Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
