Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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