Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
