so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
As shirtless as possible
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
