he shaved USA in his pubs
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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