I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
