Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
