So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
