I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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