shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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