then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
