There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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