Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
