a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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