Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
