Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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