every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
