My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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