you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
