I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
