he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
