In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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