apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
