Where is the hickey?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
