it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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