if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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