She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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