that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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