Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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