so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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