The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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