8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
