You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
