I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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