We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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