I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
