I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said her name was "party"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
