The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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