Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
