Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
