Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
