Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
