guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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