Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
