Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize