I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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