I must be too annoying 4 u.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He felt like a one man threesome
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
